Chocolate, cigarettes and writers block.

My Parents Were Awesome.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 02:55:00 +0000

This blog seems to be the talk of blog world at the moment, but I thought I'd mention it here for you all to see also. Isn't it cute? I'd love to find a photo of my parents to upload!

Moving Day.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 23:49:00 +0000

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Guess what everyone? I’m moving blogs today. You see, these days I find myself much to busy to update all of my blogs – I have three you know! So I’ve decided to stop this blog.

Firstly I wanted to say thank you all for supporting me here and reading what I have to say. And secondly, I was hoping that you could continue to follow me over here at my crafty creative blog. I’ll still be writing random thoughts and silly poems, but you’ll also get to follow my creative attempts and culinary experiments. I hope that you’ll enjoy my combined blog. So pop over here to the newly renamed blog: Snip Clip Scribble Ink! The html has now changed too – so can you please re-link any links you may have to the following? www.snipclickscribbleink.blogspot.com

Thanks! And I look forward to seeing you all over at my new blog! Have a beautiful day.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 06:30:00 +0000

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Sometimes, even when the skies are clear, I look over my shoulder for rain. I expect it, I wait for it, I almost will it to come. But this my dears, is no way to live: to always be expecting the worse. To believe that when it's all going well something, somewhere, must go wrong. Because it does. Inevitably. And so it did. And so it does. And now life must go on.

So what is the trick to seeing through each day? What is the way in which to walk? Do you carry an umbrella absent mindedly each day - despite the summer breeze? No no my dears, it's heavy to carry, and clumsy in your sweaty summer hands.

The way to do is it to simply embrace it. So it rains - sometimes for too long and sometimes for too hard, until you're certain that it will never ever stop and things could never look as grey. But instead of hiding and shunning from its touch; embrace it. Dance with it. Move within it's moisture.

I'm not saying that you should be pleased for hurt or pain that comes your way, but know that it will surely stop - one day, one day soon, one day when you least expect it. And while it's here feel it. Touch it. Smell it. Hear it. Because without an appreciation of what is occuring, and welling within your soul; you'll never know the real beauty of the sun and blue skies when it touches you.

But most importantly, don't become tainted. Don't let those dark days make you dark inside. Don't let them shut you down and hide you away. Always wear your heart on your sleeve - proudly for all to see. Live, love, and even take risks. Open your eyes to the possibilities and your heart to the world. Because other people need your love more then you will ever know. They need to see your smile and know that you care.

But don't be afraid to hurt too. If you feel sad, cry. Maybe even wallow for the tiniest second of time. It's healthy, it's natural, it's mourning in the face of sorrow. But always know when to lift your chin up, and know when it's time to return to the world.

Help Wanted!

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 03:34:00 +0000

Over here please, if you have the time. I need all the advice I can get!

The results.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 22:27:00 +0000

Remember when I posted this about Caster Semenya and the questioning of her gender? Well the results are in for those who were interested: Caster Semenya is a hermaphrodite. I can't help but feel sorry for her. Life is confusing enough without being both genders at once so-to-speak.

It Must Be Love.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 05:59:00 +0000

You know it must be love when he cleans up your cats vomit that's all over your kitchen floor, without being asked and without a gripe - at 6am in the morning.

Ants and Adventures.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 05:35:00 +0000

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Last night I dreamt of ants. Tiny little ants. Marching in patterns and swirling around the floor of my bed. Then I looked to the wall and more ants – marching up the side of it. Like a big black stripe on my clean white paint. And then on the other side of the room more ants.

Those tiny little ants that take shelter in your house, right before the rains.

Finally I looked underneath the bed and there were hundreds more; maybe even thousands! I was just beginning to wonder whether they’d lift the bed right up and march me out my bedroom door and through the kitchen and out the door of my house…and then I woke up. So I never got to see them carry me like a discarded crumb across a picnic blanket, but it would have been fun if they had. Even if it was only in dream land.

According to dream dictionaries through the web, it means my day will be filled with pesky annoyances. Sounds like any day in the office really. I think I should have stayed asleep, dreaming of ants and adventures.

Different Light

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:59:00 +0000

Last night I finished reading The Time Traveler’s Wife, for the second time. It’s been about 5 years since I read it first, and I did still it love it so. I laughed, I cried, I smiled, I swooned. I dreamt of a love so great that time stood still and everything was simultaneously happening together.

However.

This time, for some reason, I could help but feel a twang of anger. For as much as I know that in this text the future is already written because it’s all happening at once, simultaneously; I still felt a pang of hurt. For Clare. For the woman who gave up her entire life. Because Henry couldn’t let her be. Why did he tell her, in the final letter, that he would return one day when was old? Why would he make her wait? Why did he let her clutch at straws and never be happy or never be complete without him; despite her willingness to be half a person?

Anyway, I still loved it and I’ll read it again in another few years with a different view point all together I’m sure. But perhaps I’m not the only person who was struck by the almost selfish behaviour of Henry? I’m not sure. And please don’t stone me to death – it is without a doubt a favourite text of mine. But isn’t it funny how sometimes we can read something at different times and perceive it in such different lights?

The World Cascades.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:05:00 +0000

How deep,
How smooth,
She soothes the tide.
Silently,
Patiently,
With glossy eyes,
Emitting.
The world cascades.
She fades;
twirls,
dives,
dips,
dances.
Away.
She goes.

Kreative Blogger

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 03:06:00 +0000

Hey Everyone! Guess what? I've been nominated by the lovely Jayne over at The Little Passenger blog for a Kreative Blogger award! It's really made brightened my day today, and it helps to think that someone out there likes to read my blog. So thanks very much Jayne and to the other people out there who enjoy reading my rambles.

Now apparently with this award, there are a few things I need to do:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might not know.

5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.

So here are the 7 things about myself you may or may not know:

1. If I was born a boy I was going to be named Dean. When I came out a girl my Dad wanted to call me Dawn, and my mum wanted to name me Monique Arora. They settled on Nicole Elizabeth. I have no idea what my middle name would have been if either Dean or Dawn had eventuated though.

2. I need to eat chocolate in some form, every single day. Though if you know me in real life my chocolate addiction is pretty obvious!

3. I'm scared of spiders, sharks and windows at night time (the idea of people being able to see me while I can't see them is scary!).

4. I have two cats, one in Queensland and one in Sydney.

5. The East Coast Blues and Roots music festival is my favourite music festival. Ever.

6. When I was a kid I loved opera (specifically The Three Tenors and more specially Pavarotti) as well as The Beatles. Yep I was a bit of a nerd even back there.

7. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. This both irritates me and pleases me. It irritates me because I find it hard to focus on one area when I constantly float from one profession to the other mentally. It pleases me on the other hand because I have a belief that some of the most intersting people in life are those who have tried (and even failed) many things, but always followed their dreams. Secretly, deep down, if it was possible and if I was good enough - the life of an artist has always appealed most.

And now here are my seven Kreative Blogger nominations:

- Lucy of The Design Files

- Handmade Love

- Riyo from Talk To The Wind and Sun

- Pepper of Pepper Stitches (Jayne has already nominated her, but she deserves a double whammy nominaton if you ask me! That's how much I like her blog.)

- Annik of Annik Skelton, because it'll really annoy her having to write up answers to those questions.

- Joanna from A Cup of Jo

- Last but not least, Sarah Scott from Maganese Blue, because her artwork is pretty darn great.

Have a lovely night everyone, and I'll be sure to post on all my nominees blogs tonight :)

Cure Monday-itis

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:58:00 +0000

This morning I arrived at work, bleary eyed and confused about where on earth the weekend went so quickly. But when I got to my desk I was cheered right up! Fresh from the mailbox was a mix CD from this lovely lady, as well as a gorgeous illustrated postcard from San Fran (see pic)! Hoorah!

Thanks for curing my Monday-itis Jayne!

Words.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 02:03:00 +0000

Why is that words come to you at the least convenient times?

Like right before you drift off to sleep, or in the middle of a meeting, or while driving your car when you're unable to stop.

They float around your head all day, drifting and twirling, but never eventuating until it's no longer an appropriate time. They're like tiny little petals floating on the breeze, that always seem to just escape your grasping reaching fingertips.

Try as you might, words will never come when you're staring at a blank page or a blank screen with a blinking cursor. They'll never come when you pen is poised, and your lips are moist, and you're reading for them.

But when they do come, and it's not the right time, you have to scrunch up your face and whisper them back to yourself in a hope that later you'll recall their sweet sound. But they never sound the same the next day.

But one can only try.

Today

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:49:00 +0000

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Today is the sort of day that calls me from the world.
Where I want to withdraw like a turtle back into my shell. I
want to sit with glazed eyes watching black and white movies, eating Milo from the tin with a shiny silver spoon.
I want to lie draped and silent around my partner’s body.
I want to curl myself around my cat, and pretend for a day to have his life.
I want to stretch out in the sun and gaze longingly at clouds, dozing with the winds breath and dreaming with its rhythm.
Today I just don’t want to be here, in this concrete room with only one window, with the phone ringing and people yelling and me dreaming of something else, somewhere else, anywhere but here.
Today I just don’t want to be anything to anyone. Anonymity calls my name.
I want to evaporate and vaporise and just not be anywhere.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 01:59:00 +0000

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It’s the first day of spring today in Australia. And I for one am very excited. Spring is my favourite season. The air is clean and warm – but not too hot, fresh fruit and vegetables are plentiful, and baby animals are born. What could be better? It’s also the month in which so many of my friends were born, meaning plenty of parties and lots of socialising. So happy first day of spring everyone, I hope it finds you well and keeps you that way.

A World Without Water.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 05:05:00 +0000

My favourite part of a summers day, is the buttery yellow afternoon. When the sun is lowering, and the whole world seems to be drenched in it. It's when the air starts to thin and the mosquitos begin to hum. When finally there is relief from a day so hot, it had physically smothered you. It's when finally you can breathe again and see through the air that had been so thick with moisture. And when you can finally take those breaths, and see through the haze, an orange world greets you; tinted with sienna and wide strokes of magenta.

Somehow these colours make everything look better. The old run-down house on the corner, seems alive again. You can almost see it expand with each breath it desperately takes; just how it would have when the paint was fresh instead of peeled. When there was love and laughter coming from within, instead of loud screams and soggy tears on balmy booze-soaked nights.

It's now that trees look foreign and surreal, as if etched onto a fine canvas, or cut and pasted from a photograph. And as the moon rises up from their wide spread arms, and the colours of the sky begin to fade; the outside world dims. And I turn away. Back through the long glass that itches my calves, waving away the humming that dives around my ears. Back to a place with no name, and a world without water.

Lusty Logos

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 01:16:00 +0000

I was browing over news.com.au this morning, when I stumbed across this article about MAOAM sour candies. Apparently their packaging entails fruit have sex. After viewing the packaging and having a good chuckle, I have to say I think they're right. But then that got me thinking back to childhood and the Bunnkins china that I ate off as a child. Perhaps you know what I'm talking about and maybe you even have some yourself.

Well, if you look at the back of one of their plates, you'll see this image:

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but is that not some kind of act that looks to be sexual (and all male?). I remember as kid my mum telling me there had been some kind of fight between two of the big-wigs at Royal Doulton. This was one of the mens secret revenge on the other, before he left to go and work for Lladro. Whether there's any truth behind this old wives tale I have no idea, however, it does make for a good story. And it made me think, are there any other examples of this? When logos get raunchy?

Daffodil Day.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 22:26:00 +0000

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To my sister who fought and won. To my stepdad who lost the battle. To Christie who was taken to soon, and to Pamela whose laugh we shall never forget. Today is Daffodil Day. Smile in memory of those who were lost, and smile for those who continue to fight.

Will You Pay It Forward?

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 02:38:00 +0000

Back in June I wrote this post. And you know what? No one responded. Not one single person. Either no one read my posts (highly likely), people are lazy (again highly likely), or it simply got missed (again quite possible). So I ask you now (again) - will you pay it forward?

The Red Light Curse.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 00:22:00 +0000

This morning driving to work with my hair a mess and my make up not yet done; I got every green light to work. Why? Because I needed those red lights. For once in my insignificant and mundane, boring-as-bat-shit life; I wanted to see red. I wanted the kind of frustrating red lights that can come in chains, where no matter how fast or slow you go; you get stuck at every one. Every damn set of lights stops you in your midst. Why would I want to be stuck in traffic you ask? To get shit done. More specifically to assemble myself. To smooth my bed hair and clip it back about fifteen times with the same bobby pin until my growing-out fringe is pinned back *just-so*. I wanted to apply three coats of mascara to my tired droopy eyes so that they could appear as fresh and perky as well…something fresh and perky (other then breasts because that analogy sounds gross). I wanted to cover my lips with my new raspberry lip gloss and pucker them in my rear view mirror until their shiny reflection blinded me. I wanted to get ready for work. I also wanted to check my iPhone for emails and change my CD. But could I? No. Instead, I skulk into work looking like I just crawled into bed and dash to the ladies to ready myself for the day. I also had to listen to talk back commercial radio the whole trip here. Not happy Jan (whoever you are).

However, had I been running extremely late for a very important meeting or appointment, I would have had those red lights. They would have hunted me down every back street I zipped down in an attempt to avoid them. They would have leered at me with their scarlet colouring and taunted me with their longevity. And if to make the whole ordeal worse, the greens would have winked at me at the speed of light as if mocking my inability to get through. When you want green, you get red. When you want red, you get green. This the red light curse. Or perhaps it’s just Murphy’s Law. Whatever. But tonight as I drive home, dieing to collapse onto my super comfy bed after a long shitty day in the office, I’m going to try and beat the curse. I haven’t quite figured out how yet, but reverse psychology, a clove of garlic, and a sterling silver cross should do it yeah?

Fa'afafine.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:36:00 +0000

By chance yesterday afternoon as I drove home from work listening to Triple J radio, their 'Hack' (investigative journalism) segment came on. And what was it about? It was about the Samoan third gender: the Fa'afafine.

This segment was interesting to me because of what I wrote yesterday here, about how we define the sexes. What was amazing to me about the Fa'afafine culture was that it was encouraged. Parents can choose to theoretically select their childs gender to suit their needs. For example, if a family is made up of all male sons, it coulbe be in the interest of them to nominate one such child to be a Fa'afafine. That way, if the child is given the tasks of a female, they can then assist in caring for the family with cooking and cleaning tasks.

Anyway, I won't regurgiate the whole radio segment because you can watch it here for yourself and trust me, they'll do a much better job at explaining it.

For more information you can view these links:

Wikipedia
Intersections
The Free Library

What Makes You a Woman?

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:25:00 +0000

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I was listening to the radio last week, when I heard about Caster Semenya. For those of you who haven’t heard the name, she’s a female athletics champion who won her race by so great a lead, she was accused of being a man. Thus she was asked to have gender test to prove her femininity. Now I haven’t actually heard any more on the matter, and whether she’s a male or a female isn’t what interests me. What I do find intriguing is the idea of what makes a woman a woman. And in that sense, what makes a man a man. But I’m going to talk mainly about women here, because well – I’m a woman!

Now obviously there are biological standards to classify a female versus a male, but I’m not talking about biology here. I’m talking about social norms, expectations, rules, and etiquette. Those little things that make the world go round without you even noticing or questioning it most of the time.

What makes you, other then your biological structure, your sex?

Is it the fact that as a female, you like males? Because I know plenty of women who don’t.
Is it because you like to cook, sew, read books, and pursue the arts over all things science and engineering? Because again, I know plenty of women who couldn’t boil an egg to save their lives, but they could design you a dam or a bridge or solve maths problems within the blink of an eye.
Are you a woman because you like to wear dresses and high heels and do your hair and look pretty? Because there are some men out there who also like to do that, and plenty of women who don’t.
Could your femineity be determined by the fact that you feel inherently feminine and you *just know* that you’re a woman. Because again, there are women who are certain they’re actually a man trapped inside a female body; and likewise for men who feel female from a young age. This concept even blows basic biology out of the water, because if gender can be displaced regardless of biology and chemical structure – what do we have left to define it with?

So, the question remains (and unfortunately I have no good answer for you, but I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on the issue): what makes you a woman? Because when it comes down to it, it’s not as simple as it first seems when you’re a child. I would even go so far as to say, that in this day and age, we could possibly be genderless…though perhaps we always were, or perhaps I’m totally wrong.

Inform me?

What if?

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 05:12:00 +0000

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What if you were told you were going to die in twelve months time? Bear with me, I'm not trying to create a negative and depressive post on the shortness of life. Instead, what I'm trying to do is suggest that life is short. Ever seen The Bucket List? Me neither. But I hear it's about a guy who creates a list of things to do before he kicks the bucket (aka he dies). It's along the same lines as those travel guides called "100 places to see before you die". You know the ones. So really, what if you were told you going to die, and you only had one year left to live. What would you do? Where would you go? What would you see? What would be on your bucket list?

I wrote my own, well, I got to number 63 out of 100, and thought that was enough for now. But I'm curious about what you would put on your own list. I figure, even though I'm not about to die (as far as I know), it's always a good reality check to put yourself and your life in perspective. Are you achieving your goals? Are you making your dreams come true? If you got hit by a bus tomorrow would you be happy with what you've done in your life so far, and what you've seen so far?

Late Night Croquet.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 03:32:00 +0000

Today was going to be such a productive day. A nice big breakfast, an early morning workout, then groceries, writing for the paper, writing on my blog, and cooking for the week ahead. But a bottle of wine, a few beers, and a game of late night backyard croquet have changed all my plans. My head hurts, my tummy rumbles, and the sunlight seems to burn. So with a slight regret, and lots of love, I wish you all a happy weekend and I promise those posts I was planning will come soon.

xxx

Eating Food.

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 23:17:00 +0000

When it comes to eating food, I have a few unusual guidelines. I’m not obsessive compulsive or anything, it’s simply the way I do things. It’s what works best for me, but what about for you?

Potatoes, like roast chicken, are best eaten cold.
Strawberries, and all fruit really, must be eaten at room temperature. Refrigerated fruit is just no good.
Asparagus must always be eaten with your fingers, and not cut up either. Just the long green stalk nibbled on from tip to tail. It seems to taste better when you involve more senses.
When eating toast you should always leave a corner piece of crust on the plate. It’s just the way to do it. And don’t forget to spread the butter right to the end of the piece.
Rice should be eaten with a spoon.
Milkshakes must be slurped at the bottom.
Ice cream can only be enjoyed with a plastic spoon, and never metal.
Apples taste better when cut up on a plate.
Coca Cola is most delicious when drunk from a glass bottle.
Milk Arrowroot biscuits are the perfect base for butter and vegemite.
Avocados can be enjoyed by simply cutting them in half, pouring dressing in the centre hole, and eating the contents out with a teaspoon.
Honey and vegemite go perfectly well together on bread.
And spaghetti and noodles are designed to be slurped; never mind the cheek splattering of sauce that follows.

Attention all cold-climate dwellers!

nicolelutze@gmail.com (Niki) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 06:14:00 +0000

What do you wear in the middle of winter? When it’s snowing, and sleeting and shivery-cold weather – what do you wear? What do you put on your feet to keep them dry and warm? How many layers do you wear? You see, I live in what I suppose is a tropical climate. It’s hot, at least warm, and only ever sometimes cold for about a month out of the whole year. Summertime is so hot that you can’t move. Hugging your partner is about as appealing as rolling around in dog droppings, and clothes are the most disgusting concept known to mankind. Make up melts from your face and your hair is a constant flat sweaty mess. Get the point? It’s hot. So help me, because I have no idea what I need to wear in a cold climate and I plan to go to one and I like to look nice. Please?